7 years

Funny, I was just watching an episode of "House of Cards" earlier today and Claire was talking about how she was taking marriage 7 years at a time.  There is also, of course, the infamous 7 year itch, but also lucky number 7.  So, today's topic for the 30 day writing challenge is to discuss how your life will be in 7 years.

My first inclination is actually to talk about what my kids will be doing in seven years, but that doesn't really explain what my life will be like, other than missing my kids who with any luck will be on their own, or mostly so seven years from now.  My youngest should be a sophomore in college by then.

It's amazing how certain aspects of the future seem so clear.  My children will be adults.  I will be seven years older.  I will be making concrete plans to secure my financial future.  I will not yet be ready to succumb to the gray that is already appearing in my hair.  I feel confident I will still be healthy (maybe even healthier), energetic and able to enjoy this stage of life.  I envision more freedom to travel, be with friends and explore my own interests, whatever they may be.

Other things seem so difficult to imagine.  What will our financial situation be like?  Will my husband's business have been wildly successful or a bust or just the right amount to make us comfortable.  What about me?  I've recently started on a direct marketing adventure, something I never imagined myself doing, although I love the product (more on that some other day).  Will I be successful?  Will this company even be in business in seven years?  What will my spouse's health be like.  He constantly jokes that he will be dead long before he retires, but anything is possible.  Am I prepared to enter the next phase of my life on my own?   What will the world be like?  Will there still be Facebook?   Much of the future is outside of our control.  That is part of what makes living so exciting; waiting to see what happens next!

Lucky Day 13

I get today off.  Today's topic is discuss my commute to school or work.  Since I do neither, no commuting necessary.  I'm lucky in so many ways!

Funny Stuff

Two words or phrases that make you laugh.  Finally, something a little lighthearted!

"It's just a flesh wound".  Well, because it's Monty Python, obviously, which makes this statement inherently funny.  Also "Holy Grail" is one of the funniest movies ever made, even if you don't get British humor.  It is a movie I enjoyed as a teenager, in college, as an adult and eventually with my entire family.  That one sentence brings to mind the entire scene with the black knight.  If you've never seen this before, you've clearly been living in a closet, but just in case.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjEcj8KpuJw


"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"  It's the punchline to a very long knock knock joke.  It's childish and corny and not even that funny, but it makes me laugh every time.  If for some strange reason you are not familiar with this joke, you have missed out on some epic kindergarten comedy shows.  Find a five year old now.

My relationship

Day 11.

Whoa, this topic could be an entire book on it's own.  And some pretty heavy reading.  Also, fairly comical.  And not an epic love story, which is okay.

I have been in my current relationship almost all of my adult life.  Being in a relationship with my spouse is pretty much all I know about life as a grown up.  Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's awful, frequently it's boring, but mostly, it's just life.  We have been married nearly 27 years, and dated 3 years before that.

Relationships are wonderful, and hard.  They are worth working for, but often not worth saving.  What defines mine...marriage, children, family, partnership, is not what needs to define yours or anyone elses.

My relationship is complex, yet simple.  I could write volumes, but really also write nothing at all.  It is textbook.  We are married. We have 2 kids.  We work, we do chores, we raise children, we have a little fun.  There is nothing remarkable or  noteworthy and yet the relationship continues to be its own changing thing.  I could discuss some of the details that make this relationship unique, but I don't want to air my laundry (clean or dirty) on the internet and I'm positive my husband wouldn't like me to either.

Fruit. Really, FRUIT?

Day 10, a fruit I dislike and why.  Who came up with these topics?  I guess I shouldn't complain since I clearly with coming up with subject matter on my own.

I'm actually a pretty big fan of fruit, which I guess is a good thing; although not as good as being a big fan of vegetables, but whatever.  One that I dislike is mango, which is unfortunate because there seems to be mango flavored everything at the moment.  It's the fruit where people look at you funny when you say you don't like it.  There clearly must be something wrong with me because I don't like mango smoothies, mango tea, mango yogurt or just plain mangoes.  It's ok, I will be all over the next fad fruit, I'm sure.  C'mon watermelon!

Ageism

My thoughts on ageism?  Um....I don't particularly like this topic.  Like most people my feelings on any kind of "ism" lean towards the negative.  Now that I am on the other side of 50, I really dislike ageism since I am likely to be a victim of it.  That pretty much sums things up.

Books

Oh so many books to choose from!  Day 8 of the challenge, discuss a book I love and one that I didn't.  There are so, so many books I have loved.  If you asked me my favorite, I would tell you it's "To Kill A Mockingbird".  But everyone loves that and it does not need any discussion from me.  Nor does anything by Tolkein, "The Catcher in the Rye", the works of Dr. Seuss, or the "Outlander" series.

Today, the book I will say I love is "Illusions" by Richard Bach.  It is not a particularly deep story in the literary sense, but when I read it in college, it changed me.  It changed how I thought about myself, others, the world, life in general.  I had read "Jonathan Livingston Seagull"  several years before and I got it.  I thought I understood, but "Illusions" spoke to me in a way no other story had and even better, my friends related to it.  This book made me feel real and important and worthwhile. It told me, in a way no one or nothing else could, that I was going to be okay.  I was going to have bad things happen to me and good things happen to me, but those things were lessons on the journey. Things that happened to me aren't me.  They are just things.  That happen.  Shit happens.  And the journey goes on.  And it's amazing.

There are very few books I haven't loved, but the one that first comes to mind is "Eat, Pray, Love".  Probably one of the worst books ever, maybe because it was autobiographical.  First the use of metaphors was so excessive, it actually distracted me from the content.  Second, during the vast majority of the time I was reading this book, all I could think of was how self-centered the author was.  We all have crappy things happen to us and frankly, the author's divorce does not really rank high up there, at least not the way she described it.  Her journey of self-realization may have been enlightening for her, but did nothing for me.  Maybe it did for other people, it was a best selling book, afterall, so what do I know?

I have nothing to write for Day 7!

Day 7 Challenge:  What tattoos you have and if they have meaning.

Well, I have no tattoos.  Honestly, it's a huge commitment and I just can't do it.  Surprising I've been married for almost 27 years.

If there are people out there with meaningless tattoos...shame on you. How did that even happen?

Me

The writing challenge topic for Day 6 is to name someone who fascinates you and explain why.  Naming myself may sound wildly self-centered, but really, aren't we all fascinated with ourselves?  We look in the mirror, worry how we dress, wonder what kind of impression we made, fret over whether we were misunderstood.  The truth is most of us are endlessly obsessed with ourselves and our place in the world.

Like most of us, I have an image in my head of the person I picture myself to be.  She's a snappy dresser, a good listener, a wise counsel.  She is smart, knows how to take care of herself and her family and stays in control.  She loves to read and write, play board games and lean new things.

Does this sound like you?  Substitute any adjectives you like above.

So, this is how I see myself and yet on a regular (daily?) basis, I find myself mentally eye rolling while someone is telling me a story, losing patience with my spouse or children, making poor choices, skipping that brisk walk or workout, ordering pizza (again!) instead of cooking a healthy dinner.  I put my book aside to watch tv or browse Facebook.  I rarely play board games because my family doesn't want to (I think because I usually win).  I have a Rosetta Stone set of Italian lessons I got for Christmas three years ago that I have yet to get through the first section.

Personally, I find someone who fails to do something spectacular ultimately more fascinating than a gifted athlete or a brilliant scientist or a prolific author.  Those are people who recognized or were recognized as having a particular talent, nurtured that talent and achieved results.  Nothing too fascinating there.  The fascinating people of the world are the people like me.  We know what or who we want to be and yet we struggle on a daily basis to get there.  I have no formula for achieving all your hopes and dreams because I haven't done it myself, nor have any of my friends or family.  Yet along with me, all of our possibilities remain endless and what could be more fascinating than that?

A Place I've Never Visited

but would like to live.  Well, this is a fun and thought provoking topic.  Primarily places where I think I'd like to live are places where I've gone and had a great time or the weather has been beautiful, San Diego for example.  This is also made particularly difficult because I have been lucky enough to visit a LOT of places in the United States.

Assuming I could overcome the language barrier, I think I would have to choose somewhere in Italy. Southern Italy specifically.  Naples, maybe, or along the Amalfi coast.  Or inland, towards Montella.  My daughter went there on a student exchange and got so much from that beautiful small town and it's residents and having our Italian "daughter" stay with us, enriched all of our lives.  Also, Sicily might be nice, although I'm not sure living on an island would work for me.

I would be happy with a nice sunny spot, somewhere where I could visit the ocean when I wanted, or the mountains.  The Italian lifestyle seems relaxed in a way that appeals to me at this point in my life. People are warm and friendly.  The food is spectacular.  There is relatively easy access to the rest of Europe.

I think I'm sold.  Time to cut this blog short and start house hunting!

10 Interesting Things about Myself

Day 4, write 10 interesting things about myself.  On the surface, this sounds so easy, but instead it makes me think. What's interesting about me?  Should I choose things that I think are interesting about me, or that I think other people will think are interesting about me?  Frankly, I'm really not that interesting.  In any case, here are 10 things about me; you may or may not think they are interesting.


1.  I have a half brother who I've never met.

2.  In 2008, our family took a 3 week RV trip with friends and drove most of the way across the country and back.

3.  I was closer to my grandparents than either of my parents.

4.  I've played Dungeons & Dragons

5.  I was bullied in middle school.

6.  I don't mind public speaking, but I find it difficult to approach someone and start a conversation.

7.  I've never participated in a competitive athletic event.

8.  I went to Live Aid (the original one in 1985).

9.  I've never worked in retail, or been a waitress.  Actually, other than a very brief stint at Roy Rogers, and being a tour guide in college, I have only ever worked in an office setting.

10.  I'm a member of a sorority.  Joining it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

If anyone reads this, feel free to comment with an interesting thing or two or ten about yourself!

Day 3, where I usually give up on "challenges"

30 Day Writing Challenge, Day 3:  your first love and first kiss; if separate, discuss both.


Seriously?  Is anyone's first kiss their first love?  Well, maybe they are.  I was not the type of teenage girl boys seemed to want to kiss so by the time I turned 15, I was willing to take what I could get.  Sadly, I don't recall the name of the boy who first kissed me.  My friend, Cindy, fixed me up with him. We went on a date, I liked him, and just like in the movies he leaned over to kiss me when he dropped me off at home.  Unlike in the movies, he had braces and a terrible kissing technique, not to mention he went immediately for the tongue.  Clearly he had not heard about practicing on the inside of your elbow to perfect kissing.  What, you haven't heard of that either?  Try it, you'll see.  In any case, that was also our last date, which probably contributes to why I don't remember his name.

My first love, on the other hand, was pretty much 80's movie perfect.  We met our junior year of high school, he made me smile, I think I made him smile.  We went to different schools, but still managed to find plenty of time to spend together, probably more than our parents liked.  We were both very involved in youth group and I like to recall us as the couple everyone wanted to be like....at least in our joint circle of friends.  I remember feeling so lucky that a nice, cute, smart boy could see anything worthwhile in spending time with me.  His parents took me on college visits with them, and I would surely have never found my alma mater otherwise.  We took trips to Pittsburgh to visit each other's grandparents.  We had each other and the security that relationship brings in high school.  He probably never knew it, but he laid the groundwork for self confidence that helped me make good relationship choices in the future.  Hopefully, I did the same for him.  When we went our separate ways, our freshman year of college, it was a bittersweet parting.  I think we both knew it was time to spread our wings.

As a post script to my first love, like most people, we lost touch as we moved through college.  He very quickly (as I recall) moved on to another relationship, while I had a series of them.  Suddenly with the advent of Facebook (I think I've mentioned I'm a huge fan of Facebook), we were back in touch.  Unlike the many stories or urban legends you hear about high school sweethearts reuniting, I'm happy to report it was wonderful to catch up, and see pictures of his lovely family and go on our merry way, "liking" each others life events as our separate stories continue to unfold.

My earliest memory

Day 2 of the 30 day writing challenge; my earliest memory.

Well, this should be brief since my earliest memories are sketchy at best.  I have quite a few memories of when I was young, most of which are supported with photographic evidence which science says increases your memory retention so I'll skip those.  I actually have 2 very distinct memories from being very young, but I'm not sure which one is the earliest.

The first is of flying in an airplane with my uncle.  I think I must have been about 2.  My aunt and uncle had moved  to Indiana and bought my grandmother a plane ticket to fly back with my uncle to see her newest grandaughter, who is about 18 months younger than me.  When it came time to go, Grandma decided not to fly for some reason (fear, going without Granddad, who knows?) so I went. My grandparents drove out later to visit and retrieve me and there are pictures of that.  My sole memory of this experience is sitting on the plane with the tray table down.  In front of me were the real dishes and silverware they used on planes in the 1960's.  I had a cup of hot chocolate in a coffee cup, which must have been a real treat for me.  I think this memory has more to do with the hot chocolate than the plane ride because it is the only think I remember from this trip!

The second memory involves going to Ohio to visit my great-grandmother.  In my head, I have vague images of the farmhouse porch and kitchen.  There is also a sense of awe that I had such a person as a great-grandma and that there were people so old, although in reality, she was probably only in her early 70's at the time, possibly even her late 60's.  What I remember most, however, was sitting at the kitchen table and having warm milk, from a cow.

Why do my earliest memories revolve around food?  I'm sure there's something psychological there, but I don't think I want to know!

5 Problems with Social Media

Let me preface this by saying I don't necessarily have five problems with social media, however, I saw this enticing "30 day writing challenge" on the Hoagies Gifted Education Facebook page today and I thought I would give it a go because coming up with ideas that provoke me into writing something doesn't happen on a regular enough basis.

Problem #1:  "It's National Write a Blog Day!"  What?  Every day on Facebook (and believe me I am on Facebook every day....I love it), there are multiple notifications that it is National something-or-other day or month when in fact, these things do not actually exist.  Social media can be used positively to educate people about important issues (bullying, breast cancer, the fact that we love our children!), but bombarding people with it diminishes the message.

Problem #2:   Soundbites.  OMG, I hate them.  So and so said such and such.  Really?  Today?  Yesterday?  20 years ago?  In what context?  To whom?  Stop judging people one sentence at a time.

Problem #3:  "Share this picture"  Ok, this isn't really a problem....more of  a pet peeve.  Share this picture if you love puppies, share this post if you think cancer sucks, copy and paste this if you're really my friend.  Seriously?  You're not guilting me into anything and if you think that by saying "my true friends" will share something, you should probably just unfriend me now.

Problem #4:  Anonymity.  While Facebook for example is not anonymous, many social media outlets such as Yik Yak, Tumblr, and ask.fm are.  Anonymity allows the easy distribution of lies, stereotypes and facilitates bullying in ways that could never be replicated in real life.  As adults, we should be savvy enough to recognize trolling and bullying for what they really are, but our kids are probably don't and they are becoming increasing savvy at hiding their online activities from us.

Problem #5:  30 day challenges.  Who can keep up?  30 squat challenge, 30 day push up challenge, 21 day clean eating challenge, 30 day writing challenge,   I feel like I've failed before I've even started.  Except this one...I'm going to do it!

Us v. You or Me v. Them

Racism is a hot topic these days.  Hot as in, it's in the news ALL.THE.TIME.  Also, hot as in if you bring it up, you are likely to get burned.  I'm white.  I'm about as white as you can get.  I can barely be in the sun for 15 minutes before I start to burn.  I have freckles and a waspy first name.  I don't claim to begin to understand the black experience in America.  I'm not quite sure I even understand the concept of the "black experience" because in my white experience, every person's circumstances are different and deserve to be treated as such.

I currently live in a town where, as a white person, I am in the minority.  My children go to a school where, as white kids, they are the minority (about 30%) of the school population.  I understand that there are terrible, hateful people on the planet who treat others in terrible, hateful ways because of the color of their skin (or their religion, or their sexual preference, or the fact that they shop at Walmart).

Here's what I don't understand.  If you, Mr. or Ms. POC (Person of Color) don't want to be judged based solely on one thing, why on earth do you judge someone else that way?  Are you basing your judgement on your own personal experiences or on something the media or someone else has told you?  Racism/hatred/prejudice...whatever label you want to put on it, it's all learned along the way.

Recently, in the town where I live a worker at the high school was fired for making some inflammatory remarks on social media.  As a white person, my observation of these remarks was that while they were unwise, she was clearly upset about a news topic and expressed it.  Her statements were generalized and directed towards members of the black community who wear their hoods up and pants down (to paraphrase).  This woman worked in our schools for many, many years. She was active in school as a parent and in the community as a citizen.  People who know her would describe her as kind and caring.  Immediately some community activists called for her dismissal and the local school board complied.  The same community activists also organized a student walk out at the high school.  When I spoke to some of the kids, what I heard from them were things like, "she said she hates black people", "I want to show solidarity", "We got to leave school, why wouldn't I go?", "We want to show teachers that they can't boss us around.".  Like most teenagers, they were basically unaware of what happened, but more than ready to jump on the bandwagon.

What I didn't hear anyone say was, what in the world happened that made this otherwise, kind, nice, involved person, say these things?  The reality is, this woman was treated in the exact same way the people complaining say they don't want to be treated.  No one looked at her as an individual.  They just looked at her as "white" and because she was white, she automatically must be a racist, and any criticism she might have cannot be legitimate because she must be a racist and there is no room for dialogue because she must be a racist and she needs to be fired without consideration because she must be a racist and it's ok that her child is now bullied in school because she must be a racist and it probably trickled down and the school district must now provide diversity training because she must be a racist and therefore the rest of the school district employees probably are too.

How do we get to a place where a person gets treated as more than a single tweet or soundbite?  How can we take the time to know our neighbors, regardless of skin color, and treat them as our neighbors instead of "them".  How do we constructively criticize each other's words or actions without turning every criticism into a racial rallying cry?

I have a lot more thoughts on this subject and like many white people I know, would really like to have an open dialogue with others on it.  I'm sure there is much I don't know or understand about cultural dynamics and "you" as a person.  At the same time, I'm also sure there is much you don't know or understand about me.  If we could all begin treating people as people instead of opportunities to make a point, we'd be off to a good start.

They're growing up

My kids are growing up.  I know, it's the way things are supposed to be.  In fact, I really do want them to be this way.  I have enjoyed every phase of my kids lives and looked forward to each new one to come.  Sure, there have been ups and downs, but I never looked back and longed for, say, those toddler years.  We lived them, we took pictures and video, we enjoyed them and we moved on.

Now, my oldest is getting ready to graduate from high school and my youngest is a very independent teenager.  Except for meals and money, I am becoming extraneous in their lives (at least they think I am).  I'm not sure how to deal with this.  On the one hand it is occasionally liberating, on the other, it's heartbreaking.  

My daughter, who cried every day when she went to school until the THIRD GRADE, has no time for me.  She is leaving for college in 3 months and I want to go to lunch and shop and enjoy her company while she is here and that is last thing she is interested in.  I get it.  I am not so old that I don't remember graduating from high school or the summer before I left for college.  I know that she wants and needs to enjoy this rare kind of freedom.  I am happy and excited for her and all the experiences yet to come in her life.

I have moved from a place of vital importance to one of minor (sometimes major) inconvenience and I don't know how to deal with it.  After 18 years of rearranging my life to accommodate theirs, how do I stop doing that?  And what in the heck do I do now?  I thought I was mentally prepared for this. I have plenty of friends whose children have already flown from the nest.  I know life is just as fulfilling, and frequently less aggravating, when they are on their own, or almost so.  The weeks when they have been away at summer camp, I've thought to myself, "yeah, this is what it will be like someday."  I was wrong.  The physical absence is so insignificant compared to the emotional one.  My heart breaks for my friends that have twins who are going (or will be going) through this transition.  One at a time is hard enough.  I wonder if it will be easier when the second time comes around.  At least he still needs me to drive him to the pool this summer....

P.S. If you have already been through this transition, what helped?  What didn't?  How do you feel about it now?