Day 3, where I usually give up on "challenges"

30 Day Writing Challenge, Day 3:  your first love and first kiss; if separate, discuss both.


Seriously?  Is anyone's first kiss their first love?  Well, maybe they are.  I was not the type of teenage girl boys seemed to want to kiss so by the time I turned 15, I was willing to take what I could get.  Sadly, I don't recall the name of the boy who first kissed me.  My friend, Cindy, fixed me up with him. We went on a date, I liked him, and just like in the movies he leaned over to kiss me when he dropped me off at home.  Unlike in the movies, he had braces and a terrible kissing technique, not to mention he went immediately for the tongue.  Clearly he had not heard about practicing on the inside of your elbow to perfect kissing.  What, you haven't heard of that either?  Try it, you'll see.  In any case, that was also our last date, which probably contributes to why I don't remember his name.

My first love, on the other hand, was pretty much 80's movie perfect.  We met our junior year of high school, he made me smile, I think I made him smile.  We went to different schools, but still managed to find plenty of time to spend together, probably more than our parents liked.  We were both very involved in youth group and I like to recall us as the couple everyone wanted to be like....at least in our joint circle of friends.  I remember feeling so lucky that a nice, cute, smart boy could see anything worthwhile in spending time with me.  His parents took me on college visits with them, and I would surely have never found my alma mater otherwise.  We took trips to Pittsburgh to visit each other's grandparents.  We had each other and the security that relationship brings in high school.  He probably never knew it, but he laid the groundwork for self confidence that helped me make good relationship choices in the future.  Hopefully, I did the same for him.  When we went our separate ways, our freshman year of college, it was a bittersweet parting.  I think we both knew it was time to spread our wings.

As a post script to my first love, like most people, we lost touch as we moved through college.  He very quickly (as I recall) moved on to another relationship, while I had a series of them.  Suddenly with the advent of Facebook (I think I've mentioned I'm a huge fan of Facebook), we were back in touch.  Unlike the many stories or urban legends you hear about high school sweethearts reuniting, I'm happy to report it was wonderful to catch up, and see pictures of his lovely family and go on our merry way, "liking" each others life events as our separate stories continue to unfold.

They're growing up

My kids are growing up.  I know, it's the way things are supposed to be.  In fact, I really do want them to be this way.  I have enjoyed every phase of my kids lives and looked forward to each new one to come.  Sure, there have been ups and downs, but I never looked back and longed for, say, those toddler years.  We lived them, we took pictures and video, we enjoyed them and we moved on.

Now, my oldest is getting ready to graduate from high school and my youngest is a very independent teenager.  Except for meals and money, I am becoming extraneous in their lives (at least they think I am).  I'm not sure how to deal with this.  On the one hand it is occasionally liberating, on the other, it's heartbreaking.  

My daughter, who cried every day when she went to school until the THIRD GRADE, has no time for me.  She is leaving for college in 3 months and I want to go to lunch and shop and enjoy her company while she is here and that is last thing she is interested in.  I get it.  I am not so old that I don't remember graduating from high school or the summer before I left for college.  I know that she wants and needs to enjoy this rare kind of freedom.  I am happy and excited for her and all the experiences yet to come in her life.

I have moved from a place of vital importance to one of minor (sometimes major) inconvenience and I don't know how to deal with it.  After 18 years of rearranging my life to accommodate theirs, how do I stop doing that?  And what in the heck do I do now?  I thought I was mentally prepared for this. I have plenty of friends whose children have already flown from the nest.  I know life is just as fulfilling, and frequently less aggravating, when they are on their own, or almost so.  The weeks when they have been away at summer camp, I've thought to myself, "yeah, this is what it will be like someday."  I was wrong.  The physical absence is so insignificant compared to the emotional one.  My heart breaks for my friends that have twins who are going (or will be going) through this transition.  One at a time is hard enough.  I wonder if it will be easier when the second time comes around.  At least he still needs me to drive him to the pool this summer....

P.S. If you have already been through this transition, what helped?  What didn't?  How do you feel about it now?